Heard from a 91 year old friend who grew up in Brooklyn (and I could easily see uttering such things on the street), but also in David Minkoff’s Oy!: The Ultimate Book of Jewish Jokes
Sadie, an elderly Jewish lady, is leaving the Garment District to go home from work. Suddenly a man who has been walking toward her stands in front of her, blocks her path, opens up his raincoat and flashes his wares in all their sordid glory. Unruffled, Sadie takes a look and remarks, “This you call a lining?”
Many, many more at , his web site.
A sample: “Jewish telegram: Begin worrying. Details to follow.”
What the Jewish Buddha says:
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single “Oy”
Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as a wooded forest. And sit up straight! you’ll never meet the Buddha with a posture like that.
There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never visited, you never called and you never wrote. And whose fault was that?
Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage, however, is another story.
Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. But also be aware that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness.
Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. Forget this and attaining enlightenment will be the least of your problems.
Drink green tea and enhance your life. Experience joy with the first sip, satisfaction with the second sip and a Danish with the third sip.
Though only your skin, sinews and bones remain, though your blood and flesh dry up and wither away, yet shall you meditate and not stir until you have attained full enlightenment. But first, a little nosh.
Accept misfortune as a blessing. Don’t wish for perfect health or a life without problems. What would you talk about?
Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bubkes.